Recieved

Tad the Wonder D*ck.

I don't know who you are. If you're who I think you are, then I'm sorry for the way I've made you feel. Something I lament, regret everyday. If you're not who I think you are and I don't know you at all...how can I add you?
20:44:49 01-01-06

Actually if you're who I think you are, I haven't forgotten you. And I think you think that I think you're someone else but I think I know who you are and my previous statement still stands.
20:59:22 01-01-06

I already called, you hung up. And I miss what we had, that is not a lie. And I am deeply sorry for everything that happened. Choose to believe that or not. It's up to you. And I am sorry to inform you, I have no friends. Since I moved, I've had no intentions of making any. The friends I had before I moved were the best ones I ever had and that includes you. I do class you as a friend, I'm just shit scared of you. Don't ask why, cos I dunno...just...yeah. I won't call if all you're gonna do is say no and hang up.
21:26:26 01-01-2006

It feels weird seeing you again...but a good kind of weird I guess. At least I didn't throw up. Send another if you like, I ain't goin no place for awhile.
04:51:17 02-01-2006

Hehe, you still have that top. You look good.
04:53:15 02-01-2006

Holly, you were always my first priority. And you sorta still are, I'm taking a while to reply because I'm not sitting at my PC like I was the other night. I was in the kitchen. I only come back to the computer to check if you've sent anything. And if you haven't whem I check I start to worry. Don't tell me you're my last priority even though we're not together I still hold you higher than most people I class as friends. I don't know what meant by trading then for now... I don't know what you want from me. I want to be your friend. I love being your friend. But from what you just sent me it sounds like you want more. I don't know what you meant. It could just be me being lame. I don't know.
21:28:46 06-01-2006

It might be hard for you to believe but I always thought of you. Even if I didn't really want to.
16:29:55 07-01-2006

It was my failure...if I had just trusted you instead of listening to other people things would be different. It was my failure to you as a friend and as a partner.
16:45:18 07-01-2006

I don't want to tell you what's inside of me because it scares the fuck out of me to know that I still feel that.
20:49:29 07-01-2006

You don't know what I have inside me Holly. From what you just said I can tell you don't want me to feel it either. It scares me to think that I do still think that.
20:58:03 07-01-2006

If I say it then I validate it. I don't know if I want to put it out there...
21:00:01 07-01-2006

It might break both of our hearts if I said it. I've probably said it to you millions of times and taken it for granted. And the one time I wanna say it and mean it...I can't. Because I don't want to open myself again. I promised myself I'd never open up enough to be hurt. I don't want to be hurt again.
21:04:36 07-01-2006

I'm sorry Holly but I can't tell you. Like I said, I don't want to get hurt.
21:08:10 07-01-2006

Maybe I still love you. Maybe that's why I can't tell you.
21:44:03 07-01-2006

Truth? The truth is I do love you.
21:56:07 07-01-2006

It's been dead for a long time. I don't know if it's right to love you. Especially since you have someone and since it's just going to ruin your perfect life. If I'm out of your life everything will be better.
22:12:59 07-01-2006

I'm sorry if you can't trust me Holly, but everything I said was the truth. When we were together I loved you more than anything. I wanted to marry you for fuck's sake! I just don't go around wanting to marry anyone I see. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you...
21:53:35 09-01-2006

Needless to say, he was full of shit anyway. He said he stopped talking to that Italian *whore* since she apparently cheated on him. She was the one that broke us up. Her and our supposed friends that spread rumours about me cheating. I never did. He was my life, my love, he made me sane, he helped me recover from anorexia. Why would I do something so horrible to someone I cherished so?

Turns out in the end, everything Tad said above was bullshit. He and that Italian *whore* were still together...ish. God knows. He said he stopped talking, but that was definately a lie. Somehow she got my number, my email addresses etc. She threatened to hunt me down and kill me. Called me "So ugly that even if you were hit by a train that wouldn't fix your uglyness you fat freak"

So juvenile. And she works at an Electronic games boutique in Sydney and a Lawyer's firm? For Christs sake. I pray along Bruce's lines, Karma gets her in the end.

I look back now with older eyes at those above texts Tad sent me, now I see, it was plainly f*cking with me for his own gain. To think I felt sorry for him. I guess I still do, in a different context. I don't think he was manipulated at all, I just think he's an arsehole.