You Took My Heart...Decieved Me Right From The Start...

So what is news in the land of Holly? Or as I've come to term, Planet Zygaborthas.

Over three years of my life with Grumpy null and void. No more. It's done.

I've moved in with some friends of mine and it's nice so far.

About two weeks after Grumpy and I broke up, I was complaining to a friend online about my lack of cigarettes and dire need of said cigarettes. Sure enough, there he arrived on his motorcycle at my front door. And wow. Just wow. When he sat down on the step next to me, I could see him for the first time alone. And just wow. I honestly felt like I had been bashed around the head with a frying pan. It felt like we were only talking for an hour but when my housemate came home at 1am we were suprised we had been talking for so long. Talking and smoking. Just wow.

He invited me over to his place another night to watch movies etc... I was cool with that although I warned I was very sleepy. So he sat in his chair, I lay on his bed and tried my hardest not to fall asleep. The second movie came on and he decided to join me on the bed....suddenly we were cuddling....suddenly we were kissing....suddenly...suddenly.... Did you like me in that way too? All my emotions turned into a virtual tsunami.

Then we started hanging out more often. He'd cook sometimes and invite my housemates over too. Gosh he can cook. One night afterwards we were standing outside smoking and shivering a little in the cold. I remember seeing how his eyes were shining in the light....I've never seen such beauty in a man's eyes before. Sounds silly. He turned and said to me "You're gorgeous." Me? I'm too stuck for words for being in awe of this man.

We made love plenty of times. He to date has been the only man to ever satisfy me. With him somehow I let go of all my emotional baggage and was totally free. Totally happy. Of all the lovers I have ever had, all those things, quirks etc that I fell for, were in him all rolled into one. When I am with him I am weak in the knees, giddy, I feel like I am in one of those rare good dreams I never want to end. He's a pure fantasy but he's real. When I am without him, reality comes creeping back and swallows me back in. I'm back to same sorrowful Holly.

Time together, time apart. Crunch time. No. No he doesn't want me. He doesn't want me. Maybe still 'hang out'?

How on Earth does a heart get broken again if it's already broken?

Sure, I'm angry right this minute. But still, the thought of him still makes me swoon. Oh Holly.